I don't mind Calder Park, I did reasonably well here in '07. And with the megafast Peter Howard absent for some reason, and Wicksy in lights (and also absent for Calder anyway) it was a chance to try and make hay while the sun shone. Not helping was Colin McIntyre gatecrashing the Rotaxes again like last year. Quite simply, he's a gun.

Also new on the menu was South Aussie John Bartlett in his flame yellow Hyper visiting a Vic race for the first time.

Right now Bob Jane is doing some major earthworks, so off-line the track is covered in dirt. Karts driving off-line creates a dust storm which has you thinking someone's spun off. BJ even popped in for a visit, cruising through the pits in the big Merc with LIMMO plates. Hi Bob. Love what you've done with the place.

Filliponi set a very quick time for third grid spot behind gun McIntyre. Remarkably, in his first race off P plates was Britek manager Chris Jewell on pole, in a time barely a breath slower than Dean Crooke's pole time in lights. Bewdy! I qualified fourth behind this lot. There was quite the bump-fest in practice which set the mood for the day. John Bartlett came back with smashed rear number plate. Welcome to Victoria!

Race 1

I don't know anyone in Rotax who isn't glad for rolling starts. I got quite a good start and was close enough to McIntyre to see Marvin the Martian pointing his ray gun at me (helmet mural). Jewell and Poni were up front with Leigh Cavallin honking along very quickly. Mick Treloar was also in there and we had a ding dong battle for a lap or two, the way it should be.

I managed to get some clear track and was running fourth when I buggered the final corner onto the straight, went bouncing through the landfill, rejoining behind a snarling pack. This was the pivotal part of my day. I caught the pack, and the "fun" began. There was wheel banging and reprisal driving everywhere. John Bartlett was in there mixing it up, doing very well for his first look at Calder.

Stoopid!
photo courtesy Gary Trounson

Next up was a slipstreaming duel alongside Matt Palmer as we fought over a tow from Trevor Barnes ahead. We ran close, and on the bumps near the end of the main straight I got the wobbles and bumped him, meaning we were too close. I moved right, on the dirty line, to give Palmer room and try to squeeze past Barnes. Then into turn 1 Palmer shunted me so hard I spun like a top. The rest of the field, and my life, flashed before my eyes, which included some classy evasive driving by Mick Treloar.

It was sheer luck I didn't get impaled by any number of people. Palmer's explanation post-race was that I "jumped on the brakes". Yep. Going into a slow corner, end of a fast straight, on the dirty line, covered in land fill, I jumped on the brakes. What was I thinking?! Who does that?!

The day I start getting "surprised" when the guy in front hits the brakes in a braking area, I'll stop racing, touch wood. Anyhow, it was that kind of day and I wasn't the only one off track or facing the wrong way. I resumed in last place and that's where I finished. Up front away from all the excitement, Chris Jewell had a brilliant rookie win, McIntyre second and Filliponi third. Dean Crooke dominated lights, so it was a good Hyper day so far.

photo courtesy Gary Trounson GT Photogtraphy.

Race 2

Starting from as-good-as-the-rear I got another great start and followed the usual suspects Filliponi and co. Rod Clarke stormed forwards and mixed it with John Bartlett and I, John continuing to show great pace.

The next low point came whilst cresting Bob's hill three abreast with John Bartlett and Brendan Luneman. Brendan jinked right, I jinked right to avoid him while Greg Bass was drawing alongside me on the right. He launched over my right rear and into retirement with a bent axle. Meanwhile John Bartlett was being welcomed to Victorian racing with some hearty clobbering from both sides and the back.

One of Gary Trounson's best photos yet! Jewell gets buried in landfill. You can see him changing his mind...

We carried on like this for several laps. I crept past Clarke over Bob's hill, but way off line for the right-left flip flop. There was no way I could straightline the flip flop without slicing off Rod's nose, and he'd hit me. So I backed off a touch, trying to leave racing room for us to go through side by side. And viola! He hit me anyway.

Around I went in much the manner of race 1, except this time it was a complete 360 degrees and I managed to land on the grass, mostly our of harm's way. I trundled off, taking the time to admire Bob's renovations. Last again. Up front Chris Jewell had an off on the last corner (amazing photo above) avoiding someone else's carnage while leading, coming home just ahead of me. McIntyre won with 'Poni second, Cavallin third and John Bartlett a clever fourth. Dean Crooke, again, dominated Lights. Behind these guys, skill was clearly having a day off.

One of the photographers mentioned to me that they saw some of the most vicious reprisal driving they'd ever seen. Somebody hits someone, harmlessly and unintentionally, and probably more due to the zero grip and bumps, and it gets taken personally and returned with interest. Scary stuff.

So I'd worked out the following; I push hard to try and keep up the speed, and I get punted. I back off to try and give room, and I get punted. There seemed to be no pattern forming here.

John Bartlett, pictured here in one piece photo courtesy of Gary Trounson

Race 3

Being basically nowhere, I thought of a plan; I would drive really slowly, let everybody up front kill eachother, and finish in a good position, Bradbury-style. Or, at least, finish without being torpedoed or rocket launched.

This plan wasn't going to work either because there were still plenty of people behind me from previous DNF's and I was getting gun-shy. So, pushing hard enough we were in a pack that was very close to the leaders, including John Bartlett still having a sterling day.

Then something interesting happened. A safety car came out.

Well, it wasn't so much a safety car as a safety "ute" (a rather potent looking VE at that). And it wasn't so much a "safety" ute since, in the absence of SC boards there was a huge risk of people not seeing it until the last second and ramming each other into a gooey pulp of flesh and metal. Actually, Brendan Luneman was the most diligent, spotting it early and signalling wildly to the marauding pack behind. Anyway, it was a new experience and everybody behaved less homicidally.

I wasn't fully sure why it came out, although I'm sure to find out in due course. If it was to clear all the dead karts trackside, the joke was on them because at the restart, we just replaced them with more.

At the restart Tracey Tyler had a big smokey spin at the end of the back straight which spreadeagled everyone behind. She backed into my right rear wheel. Ironically, what seemed like the lightest of all the day's hits I'd copped, this was the one which bent the axle and cracked the wheel rim. Besides, it threw me into the "landfill trap" (complete with rocks) so I was a spectator anyway.

The viewing was good. Chris Jewell was harrassing the legend Colin McIntyre for the lead in heavies, and was only beaten to the punch on the line. This rookie was on fire!

Dean Crooke again won lights with such supremacy that J. Crooke was struggling to come up with superlatives. There's a rare thing.

Dean Crooke, the White Knight on the Black Horse. Ok, that was corny. Let's just say he was unstoppable. Photo courtesy Gary Trounson

Final

So I was out for the final, partly because of the bent axle and partly because of a will to live. What if, what if, what if. I went off on a clear track in race 1, which put me back amongst the madness for the rest of the day and there's a lesson in that.

In the final McIntyre won the heavies, with Chris Jewell making a valiant attempt to keep up, coming home a brilliant second. We suggested that at work on Monday he should mention to Jason Bright "at least I'm getting a podium!" SA's John Bartlett staged an epic comeback from the rear to be mixing with the top 6 but had a tangle with Michael Smith. Still, he was happy with his performance.

In lights, it was all Dean Crooke, delighted with his 08 Hyper Racer, and celebrating with a sexy new whiter-than-white race suit which Mum Margot will no doubt love cleaning. The Gazzola brothers, Russ Occhipinti and Brad Stebbing all had the edge at the top end, but slow corner speed and a superb chassis gave Dean another huge margin. By this time Jon Crooke was well into his Thesaurus.

Hopefully the smooth, high grip Phillip Island will bring back some civilised driving for Round 3. To be fair to all concerned, Calder is very low grip and bumpy and can bring out the worst. Having said that, Filliponi and I went wheel to wheel for 8 laps here last year and managed to stay stuck.

There's a lot of macho cliches thrown around all levels of motorsport, like "Rubbin's racin' " and "If you can't stand the heat..." that is, trivialising deliberate or careless body contact like it's some kind of manhood test. But the machismo usually stops when someone is carted off in an ambulance. Then try telling that person's significant other and kids "Rubbin's racin'...!"

But hey, I'm just over-reacting. It'll never happen to us, right?

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